I grew up in China in the 1970s, a time when material goods were scarce. I vividly remember the days of food ration stamps and how a can of spam was the most luxurious and delicious treat I could imagine as a child. Everyone I knew was a saver, driven by the need to protect themselves from unexpected hardships, even though they were barely getting by on meager salaries. While I didn’t face hunger or worry excessively about money, I learned to value savings above all else.

I carried the mentality of “a penny saved is a penny earned” into adulthood. This mindset served me well in my 20s, providing a financial cushion when I decided to change careers and go back to school. However, it also came at a cost—I missed out on some meaningful, enjoyable experiences because I was always constrained by a strict budget. Investing as a way to grow my savings never crossed my mind. Over time, as I became more educated about money mindset, I recognized that my relationship with money was rooted in a deep fear of scarcity. It’s similar to the mindset of those who survived the Great Depression in the United States. I had to make a conscious effort to embrace an “abundance” mindset and strike a healthier balance between spending, saving, investing, and giving.

We all have a money story. For some, money represents freedom, independence, and a valuable resource for opportunities. For others, it can carry shadows—seen as never enough, something fleeting, or even a burden, a source of anxiety, fear, stress, or relationship conflict. Developing a healthy relationship with money is essential for financial well-being. It influences our spending habits, saving strategies, and even our ability to attract and grow wealth. So how do we begin to understand where our money beliefs and mindset came from? Consider asking yourself:

• What messages did I repeatedly receive about money growing up?
• How was money earned, spent, saved, and given in my family?
• What were my financial aspirations and fears in my early years?

Interestingly, people can share similar money beliefs but express them through different behaviors. For example, both excessive spending and hoarding often stem from an irrational fear of scarcity. Counterintuitively, some spenders may try to secure something valuable today by spending the money they fear might not be available tomorrow.

If you are unsatisfied with your relationship with money, or if it is causing conflicts in your relationships, go deeper by asking these questions:

• Is my money behavior helping me and my loved ones, given my current financial circumstances?
• Is this behavior creating a barrier between me and the life I truly desire?
• Am I still worrying about things that are no longer my reality?

Just as a rock tossed into a pond creates ripples across the water, your money mindset and behavior affect your children, spouse, and friends. Sharing your money story with them can foster deeper understanding and empathy, create more harmonious marital relationships as well as passing important money lessons and values to your children.

Money can be transformed into whatever we choose, but it requires effort to make the right choices. To be financially successful, we need to minimize irrational, impulsive decisions driven by emotions rooted in early experiences and shift toward more deliberate, long-term thinking and decision-making. Remember, you always have the power to create new money stories and behaviors for a healthier financial future.